It seems like ages ago that Andrew, Kirk, and I were in a chat together discussing buying a domain for the purpose of having more than 20 megs of online storage for our own independent endeavors. At that point, buying a domain was still a big deal. Our storage would be costly, and we were all in college. With some help from Andrew’s dad, we were off the ground though. We selected a name after some debate (and really there was no debate. We couldn’t think of a better name) and Good-Evil was born.

We all made our independent sites and threw a main page up that had links to all our sites. It wasn’t meant to be anything more than that. However, about a month in, I began to feel that there was something more to it than just 3 guys who wanted their own sites. In a way, we all went in on Good-Evil as a way to feel connected to each other, even though our lives were essentially all heading in different directions. High school was over, and well you know, it’s easy to lose track of friends after high school. I began to ask more friends for help, hoping they would feel the same way, that this was our way to stay connected and work towards something great.

As it stands now, this is the 3rd major revision of Good-Evil, and it’s still a work in progress. However, I’d like to think that this is what I have really wanted since day one. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and when we review, it’s more about the words than the final word (hence there being no numbers game as “the final score”) and most importantly, I’ve surrounded myself with a group of writers I can call friends. I know these guys and I trust and respect their opinions. I hope everyone else will see what I have seen in them and come to enjoy each person’s articles that contributes here. This site will never be able to compete with specialized or professional review sites, and we can’t keep up with current news like the million blogs out there right now, but we try to offer something different. Hence why you can find a review of Final Fantasy VI along with deodorant and buffalo chicken strips reviews.

This is our 4th official year having the site, and while 2006 was largely a bust for us (we were around, but the site was pretty much in limbo until we finally found something that suited us to use for an upgrade), we have really worked hard on this site while having a lot of fun. I’m still working to bring back all the articles from the old site so we don’t forget where this place started. I’d like to take this time now to thank each writer we have had over the course of our 4 years, as this place would not be possible without their help and contributions:

Andrew - you’ve been the biggest help and supporter of my ideas for the site since day one. thanks for believing in me.
Kirk - You don’t write as much as I wish you did, but every single one of your articles are great. Stay with us, man.

Arthur - You’ve been too good to us over the years. I ask for articles and you never have excuses, you just give. And they are always entertaining and well written.
Ashley - I love you for never thinking this site was a dumb idea. Thanks for helping make it what it is.
Audun - You’ve been so good to us, and your reviews have been about a lot of things I’ve never played or listened to. Thanks for adding more to the site and giving me new things to explore as well.
Brandon - One of our early core writers and a big supporter of the site. I’m so glad you helped us out and gave so much material. We need to talk again soon. I miss you man.
Brian - Oh Brian. You need to write more. When you assert yourself, you confirm every suspicion I have that you are in fact a great reviewer and writer. We need you!
Chris - I don’t remember how I ended up adding you to the staff, but I’m really glad I did. I like hearing your opinions outside of a message board. Your choice of items to review is often hilarious too. You need to come down to Lancaster more.
Chuck - One of the biggest reasons we have as many articles as we do. This man is a horse. His love of music from the 1980’s is unparalleled, and he’s always been willing to throw a review or five at me when I really needed something.
Dillon - You’ve been nothing but thankful and helpful since you came on board. I can’t thank you enough for your enthusiasm, I think you are a great fit here.
Kris - You only wrote one review and didn’t contribute too much, but I thank you for helping when you could and just being a great friend to me during that time.
Marshall - Reading each of your reviews really makes me appreciate the music even more. Your wording is vivid and intelligent, and your taste is impeccable.
Matsu - I’m glad you are still here and haven’t given up on it yet. Our next project will be a winner, I can feel it.
Russ - Where have you gone?? Your spot is still open if you ever want it back. Sorry the site disappeared just as we added you to the staff.
Skip - You are always honest and don’t give a shit what others think. I love that. I look forward to reading more of your stuff!
Sherv - I’m very glad you decided to write for us, I know you were apprehensive at first. I just hope it’s been fun for you, because I have enjoyed hearing your opinions. You are very well spoken and give me a greater appreciation for games, music, and life in general. Thanks for being a great friend.

And thanks to all our readers, especially the ones who stuck with us and kept bugging us to bring the site back. This was as much for me and the guys on the site as it was for you. Here’s to a successful 2007, and beyond.

For someone like me, deodorant and anti-perspirant is important. I sweat easily and I sweat a lot. I have many t-shirts that have permanent, crusty white spots in the armpits. This is due to weak, non-gel deodorant. Luckily gel deodorants are the norm these days, but not all is perfect.

Gel deodorant, while relieving previous problems, can introduce others. Right Guard works well enough as far as it’s stopping power goes. I honestly can’t complain about it one bit. The scent isn’t lasting but it at least stops body odor for the most part. However, applying Right Guard gel deodorants to the underarm can be problematic. Let’s start with the initial opening. Pull the seal off and you will see a multitude of small holes. Now, to get the deodorant out, just turn the dial at the bottom. Keep turning. Did I tell you to stop? Come on, keep turining… Sheeesh! Give it  one more. Ok there we go… AAAAH too much! This, unfortunately, does not stop with the initial extraction. No, this continues just about every day. It is very difficult to get just the right amount out, and the excess in the armpits sometimes feels uncomfortable.

But that’s not where the fun stops. Let’s take a trip to tomorrow morning. You’ve just showered and now it’s time to put on your deodorant. What the hell is this crap all over it? Hmm.. well, you better just take the cap off. Oh man, how did it make such a mess? Yes, somehow, overnight, this deodorant has the ability to extract itself and make a complete mess, even seeping out of the cap. Don’t ask me how it happens, but it does!

This stuff works well enough, but it’s nothing special and it’s just messy, and I can’t figure out why… My advice: go for something cheaper.

It seems this ‘For Men’ fad really caught on a couple years ago with personal hygiene products and every company now seems to have their own line. Dial is one of the more recent companies to release a “manly” body wash, and since I’m always looking for the next big thing to make me smell great, I decided to give it a shot. The first thing I noticed about it in the body wash aisle was its bottle, in a super ergonomic shape because it’s, you know, MANLY. And of course it uses the requisite dark grey and blues on the bottle to make sure that you are not getting some sissy ass body wash. In the store, I gave it the obligatory sniff test, and while it wasn’t quite as fragrant as some other washes on the market, I thought it had a nice smell, it supposedly kept your skin from getting dry (a big problem with me), and it seemed like you got quite a bit of it in their tall, wide bottle (turns out its 18oz, about the same as most others on the market). That didn’t stop them from charging about a dollar more than most others, at $5.99 a bottle. Regardless, I picked it up.

Later that night, I decided to dip in and try some. Upon lathering up, I was surprised to find that nice smell I had experience earlier did not really translate to actual use. It just smelled like a slightly above average common bar soap, and I was quite disappointed. “This isn’t manly!” I thought. “How is this gonna put (more) hair on my chest!?” After repeated washings, I just found the smell to be completely unmemorable. On the plus side, you do keep this generic smell on you for quite some time, as I noticed it stayed with me usually half way through a work day. This is also in stark contrast to some otherwise great smelling body washes that are gone in about an hour after use. But that of course was not the big selling point for this Dial product. It was its ability to not dry out your skin. On this note, I was happy that it pretty much was as advertised. Though my face still felt rather dry after use, the rest of my body felt less dry than when using something like Axe. Though I think they are touting it as a bit more than it is, it definitely will not leave you with dry crackly skin.

Overall, this is a decent product that would be good for those with dry skin and aren’t too picky about soap. It’s a bit overpriced, however, and it’s smell isn’t all that fresh and manly.

The constant hum of the derelict spaceship doesn’t even register anymore; you’re straining your ears, carefully peering across a door jamb…save for a vacant operating table it looks like the room is empty. With careful, measured steps you enter and investigate the room, looking for any discarded voice-logs and spare ammunition when suddenly translucid shapes manifest themselves, the “ghosts” of dead shipmates.

You were fitted with nanotechnological upgrades to your nervous system which occasionally allow you to see recent activity in certain places and, more eerily, even hear the voices of the deceased. The specters fade just as soon as they appeared and once again you are alone in a gigantic, vacuous steel maze.

It pains me to no end to hear of yet another gamer who has heard of, but never played, System Shock 2. What is inarguably the best science-fiction/horror game to ever grace silicon lost the spotlight to the vastly inferior Half-Life in 1999 yet has garnered a very respectable number of accolades and awards posthumously and survives quite vivaciously in the hearts of all who have played it.

The premise is simple enough: with the creation of the first faster-than-light spacecraft, mankind embarks into the unknown with you aboard, in a sort of cryogenic sleep, as part of a security detail. Something goes wrong along the way and you are awoken with your memory improperly restored and your abilities like that of a nascant baby. As you explore the ship, the Von Braun, posessed hybrids, twisted and violent shells of your former shipmates, attack you at the most inopportune time, over and over, making every moment you are alive upon the ship extremely tense and terrifying. Voice-logs left by both the dead and surviving clue you in to the disaster which took place, and every now and then you are fed a spoonful of hope that just maybe you aren’t alone on this dreadful ship.

Oh, but you aren’t…monstrous entities of both the organic and inorganic form ceaselessly confront you, those of flesh call to you to join them in their fate while the bezerk security drones don’t hesitate to gun you down where you stand. While it may seem like you are fighting against insurmountable odds it eventually becomes clear that there are three very distinct parties waging war with each other. The remaining humans aboard are fighting against a biological enemy which calls itself The Many, the gross lovechild of “The Thing” and Communist doctrine, and contend with another foe, the machine-mother SHODAN. In the previous installment, a hacker disabled SHODAN, an artificial intelligence gone bonkers after her “ethics limiter” was removed, and jettisoned her material consciousness along with her biological experiment onto the surface of nearby planet Tau Ceti V. That experiment blossomed into The Many, a collective entity which called for the destruction of all things non-organic, including their mother SHODAN, and the assimilation of everything otherwise. As the protagonist in this mess you are forced to team up with SHODAN for your own survival; The Many are constantly procreating, evolving, and seeking out more to add to their brood. This uneasy alliance creates for some spectacular moments and an overall sense of fear…SHODAN is supremely powerful in her domain but needs an avatar to carry out her material wishes. By this logic she provides you with the means to upgrade your nanotech capabilities and more often than not it feels like she’s leading you on with the cartoonish image of a carrot-on-a-stick for bait, but one wrong move and go against her wishes and she can take away what she so easily grants.

The brilliance of System Shock 2 shines in many different facets. The graphics for the time were sufficient and excelled at creating a desolate environment, and the creature design is superb. Monstrous biomasses called Rumblers charge at you from across the hall, their very footsteps shaking your view, while silent and stealthy cyborg assasins utter electronic gibberish before dispatching you long before you know where they strike from. The cyborg midwives fiercely guard the eggs of The Many, taunting you with phrases such as “Babies need meat” and “I’ll tear out your spine” while marching around, their lower torso completely comprised of metal while their upper body remains mostly human.

(The picture above is from a fan-based mod team, the Rebirth project, as they upgrade the texture quality of the game, but it helps shed light on what the Midwife looks like).
The sound is another feature of the game which is beyond compare. SHODAN’s voice is tainted with electronic interference and garbled at times, The Many call to you with three distinct voices superimposed (a deep male voice, a soft female voice, and the occasional higher pitched female voice) while their hybrid offspring beg for you to join them and alternately kill them. Xerxes, the corrupted AI on board of the Von Braun, consoles you in a warm fatherly voice to give up your useless struggle and to join The Many, and every voice-log you find is spoken in that character’s voice. Often times you’ll find that the last log of a character ends with all-too convincing screaming or pleading, making the experience extremely chilling.

Another beautiful component of the game is the level of detail attributed to every object. Every item you pick up contains a full description, weapons and ammunition have statistics, the portable “Game Boy”-like device has a full-fledged Ultima tribute game to play through, and then there are the objects which you can research and learn more from. This lends a brilliant alternative to the RPG-mechanic of experience points; every so often an enemy may drop some tissue or component which, with the right items and abilities, will allow you to research and learn more about the creature, with the usual end result of being able to damage it more with each successful attack. Alien technology can be researched as well, and in all cases the final analysis provides you, the player, with some very convincing text to read about the biology of the creatures or the mechanics of a new foreign weapon. This leads me to my next point…despite the obvious sci-fi inconsistencies, courtesy of the level of detail, this game is VERY believable. Real biological processes are described in the life cycle of The Many, subtle hints to a real human society living on a ship are illustrated by messages about Christmas approaching and the like, the Von Braun itself has many different levels throughout which Operations, Hydroponics, Engineering, and the Recreation Deck all reside just to name a few. The Rec Deck was by far the most interesting and immersive with its bars, housing areas, and carnal enjoyment suites. Interaction with the evironment is top-notch and executed flawlessly in a point-and-click manner. Security grids can be disarmed and locked doors and boxes can be pilfered via a “hacking” mini-game which is part luck and part character-skill derived. There are even more aspects upon which I haven’t even touched, such as character creation, weapon degradation and maintenance, the core character stats, and the myriad items you acquire throughout the game. System Shock 2 is far too dense and deep to pry apart as such, so I chose to focus on the elements which made it the best game I have ever played. You’re doing yourself an extreme disservice by not trying it, so go scour the bargin bins and hawk the ebay auctions for your own copy. Or ask me and I’ll send you one of mine, the game is just THAT good.

I wish to end this review with what I found to be one of the most chilling voice-logs in the game, one which sums up the severity and fear of the game supremely well:

With only a few short years of evolution, [The Many have] been able to conquer this starship, mankind’s mightiest creation. Where were we after forty years of evolution? What swamp were we swimming around in, single celled and mindless? What if SHODAN’s creations are superior to us? What will they become in a million years, in ten million years? What’s clear is that SHODAN shouldn’t be allowed to play God. She’s far too good at it.

The Movie - GOOD

Okay, so I will admit it. The first time I watched this episode, I fell asleep to it. Actually, same thing with the second time. And the third…in fact, I believe I slept through this episode the first 10 or so times I watched it. The plot is so freaking confusing that your brain just decides to avoid thinking about it and pass out instead.

Mighty Jack was actually two episodes of a Japanese television show of the same name thrown together to make a “full length” film. This was the technique used often by Sandy Frank, who would become legend during Season 3 of MST3K. What makes this so unreasonably hard to follow is the editing process. Mighty Jack basically contains the first and last episode of the television series together, which means we see the start and the end, but have NO IDEA what happened in the middle. Frankly, after seeing the bookends, I’m not all that interested in the middle, unless it was dubbed like it was here.

So, “plot”. The first half of the episode has the following plot: An organization known as Q is stirring up discontent across the globe, threatening peace as we know it. Mighty Jack is the secret government organization created to stop Q’s efforts. Mighty Jack is also the name of the airplane piloted by that organization that can go underwater (creating untold confusion). Somewhere in Paris, one Mr. Harold Atari is kidnapped, apparently by the agents of Q. The Colonel heading Mighty Jack is contacted to exchange Mighty Jack (the ship) for Mr. Atari’s life. Atari, being held on an island, finds out that there is a secret wave emitter in his suit, which was given to him by that Colonel, and attempts to contact Mighty Jack (the organization), who is out searching for him. Meanwhile, there are spies within Mighty Jack (the group) working for Q, who fail to do their job and are subsequently blown up by swallowing capsules (or something). Also meanwhile, Mr. Atari is questioned by Q through the means of a box he is put in that has blinding lights. Of course, he outsmarts that plan for a time by simply keeping his eyes closed…yeah, this whole movie is silly, and it’s only the first half! Eventually, Mighty Jack rescues Atari, they blow up the island he was staying on (for about five minutes) and it’s revealed that Mr. Atari is actually Major Harold Atari, new leader of Mighty Jack (the group).

Whew, okay, now the second half! Apparently, Q has discovered a way to freeze water molecules so that they can not be melted (in other words, they made hard ice that doesn’t melt). Because there are two scientists working on this, Mighty Jack (the group) goes to investigate, but both scientists say they had their research stolen from them! Who’s lying, or are they both telling the truth? And what’s with the mysterious reporter who wants to know more about the crew of Mighty Jack? (hint: he’s working for Q) And what’s with Manuel Peres, some guy who works with the third world but saves one of the members of Mighty Jack from being robbed? (hint: he’s working for Q) And what’s with the German son of one of the scientists (who is Japanese) who’s work was stolen from him? (hint: yeah, you know) Eventually, it looks like Mighty Jack has been beaten, but some members save the day, Mighty Jack (the ship) finds Q’s headquarters and blows it up, and the leader of Q (with a funny cat and a goofy laugh) ends up shooting himself.

So, the plot is ridiculous and predicatable, the dubbing is hilariously bad, and you need to watch this about twenty times before you can even come close to understanding this jarbled mess. All the makings of a “Good” to me!

The Host Segments:

Starts off with a “faced” moment: the crew (Joel, Tom Servo and Crow) all pretend as if they’ve hit some sort of meteor and the ship is going to die and all that, but they’re just kidding.

Invention Exchange: I probably should have mentioned this in the “Guidelines” post (and will edit it so it does), but when Joel was on the show, they did “invention exchanges” under the premise that Joel and the sceintists in Deep 13 were inventors, so it’s a competition to discuss what they’ve invented. In reality, it was a way for Joel to showcase his props that he made when he was a stand-up comedian, and it was a time killer, which was what they needed back then. Eventually, Joel stopped being the real brains behind most of them, and when he left the show, they pretty much slowly stopped doing them. Anyhow, this week had two pretty funny ones:

Deep 13 Invention: The Formal Flipper. Dress shoes with flippers on it, for the spy who wears a suit under his wet suit, but needs fancy feet to fit in with high society. Kinda scary at the ends as it shows Dr. Forrestor sporting the Formal Flipper for the ladies.

Satellite of Love Invention: Earmuffs that look like ears! Keeps your ears warm in the winter without matting your hair down like hats or making you look dorky with regular earmuffs. Comes in all shapes and colors. Even has Vulcan ear muffs for the Star Trek convention in Anchorage, Alaska! Joel’s not wearing any…or is he? [wink]

Other segments include the Bots’ Mighty Jack dog food commercial (good), the Bots trying to torture Joel with a device that would blind him if he opened his eyes (very funny stuff, “Boy, is he smart!”), Joel pitching underwater movie ideas by putting an aquarium in front of the camera (silly but good), and the final song of “Slow the Plot Down”, where they do a shanty about the film and forget exactly what happened.

Overall, good host segments, though I don’t really care for the plot shanty at the end, but I’m usually asleep by then.

The Riffs

Oh lord, do I love this episode’s riffing. It’s hard to explain. If you wanted to see an episode that was almost entirely esoteric, this is the one to watch. They bring up politics (Jesse Ventura when he was a mayor!, Orrin Hatch, Rush Limbaugh, JFK), music (Karen Carpenter, Elvis Costello) and everything in between. It just bounces around so much because the whole plot bounces around so much. This show also exemplifies the way I like MST3K to riff on foreign films: they stick to making fun of what is shown them, not going off on the society that created the film (that type of humor would be shown during the Sci Fi era, seasons 8 thru 10). I mean, the film itself is silly enough not to get into how Japan is “messed up”.

Not only that, but this episode does an excellent job of getting onto a riff roll, where they make fun of one thing or talk about one topic, and then hit that for three or four jokes in the next two minutes. They do something with Q in the beginning where the narrator does nothing but ramble on about Q. They get into something about toast somehow, they do a Rush Limbaugh joke in the first half, then bring him back around in the second half, they talk about Patriot missiles (it was around 1992 at the time, so it makes sense). They really start getting on a roll and really do a good job. They also have some riffs that are callbacks from previous episodes, really adding to the hilarity if you’ve been keeping up with the show.

All in all, this is a quintessential episode that very few MSTies talk about. For all the hoopla that Manos gets, that is an episode that shows what MST3K is about. This episode is what fans of the show should talk about. It brings together everything that was strong about the show and really nails it. Classic episode for true MST3K fans.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) is my favorite television show of all time. Not even close. Not only is it really a perfect formula for sarcastic bastards like myself (take bad movies and make fun of them), but I think it also helped shape my humor and sarcasm over the years.

However, reviewing something you love so much is a hard thing to do. A recurring theme among MSTies (fans of MST3K) is that “even the worst episode is better than 98% of what else is on television these days.” But amongst the 197 episodes of MST3K that were produced (21 on local access TV, 176 on various cable networks), there certainly is a hierarchy of good episodes, great episodes, classic episodes, and, yes, even some pretty poor episodes. So when you read one of the reviews and see a “Poor” or “Okay”, remember that is a Poor or Okay in terms of MST3K quality, not overall quality compared to other television shows.

Okay, so now that I’ve got that out of the way, here are the guidelines for how I will review each show.

First, the shows are numbered by Season first, then episode number within that season. Example: Manos, The Hands of Fate is episode 424. That means it is Season 4, episode 24. Final Justice is 1008, so Season 10, episode 8. You’re all smart, you’ll get it.

There will be three sections, based on the three major parts of the show that there is to criticize.

1. The movie - Possibly one of the most underrated sources of whether an episode will be good or bad. If you think that MST3K can make any movie bearable, you haven’t seen some of the worst movies on MST3K. Don’t let the myth of “Manos” fool you: there are much worse movies that even MST3K can’t save. In the movie section, I will do my best to do a quick rundown of the “plot” of the movie (sometimes, it seems like there is no plot) and will use the old Leone method of rating: “Good”, “Bad” or “Ugly”.

“Good” will mean that the episode is either silly enough to be just goofy or is actually not too poor of a plot line. You will notice a very biased trend towards poorly dubbed films in this rating system. I LOVE it when movies are dubbed so poorly that they make the writing for the show really easy. Fair warning: most, if not all, of my favorite episodes will be in this category (aka Season 3).

“Bad” will mean that while the movie isn’t a detractor from the episode, it doesn’t really do very much for the episode either. There will be a LOT of episodes from Season 4 in this category, as I like a lot of the riffing in that season, but find the movies to be dull or at the very least mundane.

“Ugly” is a category which will probably have the fewest episodes, but oh brother, are these films bad. It’s not that any of the movies in this series are really good, but the episodes listed as “Ugly” are some higher level of unwatchable. While most in the series are just poorly done, poorly directed, poorly written or just misplaced future silliness, the movies labeled “Ugly” just make you wonder who gave this person money. They are PAINFUL to watch, even with the guys riffing away. Typically, even the guys IN THE SHOW will mention how these movies are painful to watch, and they will mention it loudly.

2. The host segments - Here’s where things start to get really subjective. There are a few lineups that MST3K had throughout its ten season history. I shall list them here:

Satellite of Love Lineups:

• KTMA thru Season 1 - Joel Hodgson as Joel, Trace Beaulieu as Crow, Josh Weinstein as Tom Servo
• Season 2 thru Season 5, Episode 12 - Joel Hodgson as Joel, Trace Beaulieu as Crow, Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo
• Season 5, Episode 12 thru Season 7 - Mike Nelson as Mike, Trace Beaulieu as Crow, Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo
• Season 8 thru Season 10 - Mike Nelson as Mike, Bill Corbett as Crow, Kevin Murphy as Tom Servo

Deep 13 Lineups:

• KTMA thru Season 1 - Trace Beaulieu as Dr. Clayton Forrestor, Josh Weinstein as Dr. Larry Erhardt
• Season 2 thru Season 6 - Trace Beaulieu as Dr. Clayton Forrestor, Frank Conniff as TV’s Frank
• Season 7 - Trace Beaulieu as Dr. Clayton Forrestor, Mary Jo Pehl as Mrs. Forrestor
• Season 8 thru Season 10 - Mary Jo Pehl as Mrs. Forrestor, Kevin Murphy as Professor Bobo, Bill Corbett as Observer (Brain Guy)

Watch enough of these episodes, and typically you will find yourself favoring one lineup over the other. My biases? I like Joel over Mike, Josh and Kevin as Servo about the same, Trace over Bill for Crow, and the Dr. Forrestor/TV’s Frank lineup best for the Deep 13 lineups. The few things I dislike are Mary Jo Pehl as Mrs. Forrestor, Kevin Murphy as Bobo, and Josh Weinstein as Dr. Erhardt, though all of them have their moments. In this section, I’ll pretty much just break down whether I think the host segments are any good. Maybe even describe some of them for ya. You’ll see that when the people I like are there, I’m more likely to enjoy the host segments, but even when it’s something like Bobo and Mrs. Forrestor as the focus, there can be some really funny stuff (the Agent from H.A.R.M. episode has those two a lot and it’s got great host segments).
3. The riffing - Along with the host segments, the riffing in the theater can be seen completely differently by different people. This is the hardest part to describe, as it’s like trying to describe why something is or isn’t funny. Hence, this could end up being either the shortest section or the longest section, depending on the episode. I was trying to decide whether to do a “funny - funnier - funniest” grading scale for the riffing and the host segments, but I decided against it, because in the end, the riffing of the film is what will make up the biggest part of the final score. The riffing is what MST3K is all about.

Like all good review sites, I’m hoping that you read the review and try to see what I talk about in the episode to justify my rating of the episode. I’m going to try my damndest not to just go “Oh, Mighty Jack is freaking awesome, so it’s Classic” and then work back from there. I have my favorite episodes, but for the most part, it’s going to be a journey for me trying to classify all of these episodes. I watch the show often enough to try to have an episode per week, but even I’m not silly enough to promise things I can’t deliver on. I also probably won’t go in order, but I’ll talk to Zach or Andrew to figure out a way to get them all placed in order eventually so you won’t be bouncing around from episode to episode.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy my reviews of my favorite show. It’s going to be hard, but hell, it’s a pretty sweet task.

Mario may be Nintendo’s mascot, but Link just might be Nintendo’s current breadwinner. As much as people complained about certain decicions about the series, it’s the last of Nintendo’s main titles that hasn’t been whored out to partying, pinball, or any other unlikely match up. The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess was without a doubt the best game available, and in turn the best selling game, upon the Wii’s launch. Anticipation for Twilight Princess was high as it showcased the ability of the Wii controls in terms of familiar gameplay. There was almost no doubt that it would be awesome, but how much more awesome than its GameCube counterpart? Long story short: Twilight Princess is the best Zelda game since Ocarina of Time. This isn’t hard to believe, though. The games since OOT were good, but nothing in comparison to the SNES and N64 masterpieces. Although amazingly stylish, Wind Waker just didn’t quite live up to the legend, and Majora’s Mask was more of a side story than a fresh new game. So just how good is this new entry in the classic series?

The story in Zelda games has always been vague, and this is still the case in Twilight Princess. Having no dialog and minimal interaction with other characters makes it hard to refine a story, but I don’t think it would be a real Zelda game if this changed. The real details of the story aren’t really let out until the game nears the end, but as progress is made little bits and pieces slip out. The main antagonist is a man named Zant who comes from the Twilight realm, however a familiar foe is still around. A woman named Midna recruits Link to help her defeat Zant and fix the rift between their two worlds. It’s a simple story that will take Link from Hyrule to the Twilight and from human to wolf.

The weakest part of Twilight Princess is without a doubt the graphics. Don’t take this the wrong way; the graphics are excellent, but as this was a GameCube game ported up to the Wii, the graphical power of the Wii is not fully realized. Still, for every area that Twilight Princess might look like a let down exists an area that is gorgeous. Really, the only areas that aren’t all that impressive are out in Hyrule Field. Other familiar locales such as Zora’s Domain and Death Mountain look very impressive.

The lay of the land in Twilight Princess is much larger than any other Zelda game. Hyrule Castle lies in the center of the map, with a gigantic, multi-segment Hyrule field surrounding it. Lake Hylia is massive, and running through Gerudo Desert initially feels like running through an endless sandy terrain. Thankfully the trusty steed, Epona, is back for some traveling relief.

The adventure will provide challenges through several dungeons, all of which are full of puzzles, adventure, treasure hunting, and of course lots of fighting. The dungeons aren’t overbearing, but provide enough challenge without being too easy. The boss fights are tremendously fun and require more than just finding the weak spot and slashing away.

In terms of game play, Twilight Princess sticks very close to the Ocarina of Time formula. Instead of switching between young Link and old Link, now the transformation is between Link and wolf Link. While in the wolf form, no items or weapons can be used, but what is gained is the ability to use the honed senses of the wolf, which leads to scents and hidden areas. At first the wolf is frustrating, but the game does not force the player to stick with the wolf for long periods of time, at least relative to the amount of time spent as human Link.

While in human form, Link can employ the standard tricks expected in a Zelda game. Familiar items like the boomerang, clawshot, and bow are back for more action, but with a few little surprises. There are new items as well, and while they aren’t useful all of the time, are fun to use for what they are needed for. These items, of course, help unlock access to new and hidden areas. One of the most fun of the new elements of the game is the ability to use many of the items while riding Epona. Running across Hyrule field being chased by a band of moblin riders is exhilarating.

Controlling Link is a breeze with the Wii remote. The nunchuck controls movement and Z-targeting, while the remote controls sword slashes with quick left and right swings and item usage using the B button and some pointing. Using the remote for items like the bow and clawshot is simple and refreshing; I don’t think I can easily go back to having to use an analog stick.

There is plenty to do besides stick to the main quest. Because the land is so huge, there are plenty of places to explore. Poes, ghosts that practically invisible to Link, scatter the over-world and dungeons, and collecting all of them is worthwhile. Instead of four heart pieces, Link must now acquire five to fill a new heart container, so there are plenty to find. Bugs are scattered throughout Hyrule, and of course someone is willing to pay up for doing their dirty work. At one point Link even gets into a wild west style showdown and a medieval style jousting match!

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess is without a doubt the best Zelda game I have played since Ocarina of Time, and I would even argue that it is at least on par with it. There’s simply so much more to see and do. Every aspect is designed so well and there are enough new surprises that make it such a great experience without ruining anything that has classically made the series so great. It’s a bit unfortunate that this was a launch game, because I don’t think anything on the Wii will top this for a long time, if ever.

The surviving members of The Who (Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend) opened the door to the past to help create their newest album, Endless Wire. Endless Wire brings together many of The Who’s signature sounds that they have created over the past forty years. Different songs on Endless Wire can easily remind the listener of Who songs from the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. For example, the opening track, “Fragments”, begins with a “Baba O’Riley” kind of synthesized beat. The song then takes on its own sound and becomes quite enjoyable. The song “Sound Round” is a very catchy track that reminds me of “Squeeze Box”. But just as one can hear the past resonate in this album, it is also clear that they are still innovative and can create songs that sound different from what they have done in the past.

The mini opera “Wire & Glass” is also included in Endless Wire. This ten song epic beings with Sound Round and ends with Tea & Theatre. It is beautifully orchestrated and the drumming (provided by Zak Starkey) will remind listeners of Keith Moon. The Who pull out all the stops and incorporate a plethora of different instruments and sounds to create their mini opera.

Endless Wire is a very eclectic album. It comes complete with fast paced rocking songs, as well as, slower songs. Daltrey’s voice is still superb, and Pete hasn’t lost his touch when it comes to composing songs. If you are a fan of The Who you should definitely purchase Endless Wire. And if you are growing tired of all the new bands out there, give Endless Wire a try and be rewarded with a refreshing sound.

Sony’s flagship franchise, God of War, certainly has had its fair share of critical success, and rightfully so. The original best seller offered a fresh new angle on the action adventure genre with top notch storytelling and fluid game play. With God of War 2, Sony Computer Entertainment of America manages to take a great concept and improve on it in almost every facet, to the point of near perfection. And as the Playstation 2 console reaches the end of its life cycle, it goes out with a certain bang that other past systems could only dream of. (more…)

With the porting of every NES and SNES Final Fantasy, it was only a matter of time before Square-Enix released Final Fantasy VI on Nintendo’s friendly handheld device. A wonderful gaming experience awaits anyone who might have missed this treasure in the mid-nineties, or anyone who wants to relive one of the richest games in history. I have many fond childhood memories of this game and playing it again on the GBA was a great time. The added dungeons and new dialog were nice additions too. They give FFVI veterans an added reason to play through this game.

The story is the main draw of FFVI. The story evolves in a unique way. The basic structure of the story may seem traditional at first glace: a small force is rebelling against an evil empire. Yep, pretty standard; however, Square has taken the time to create unique twists and has used a great way of developing the plot. Another unique part of FFVI is that there is no main character. Some characters are more prominent than others but the story revolves around no one person. Each character has a distinct back-story that can offer more game play if all are pursued.

The graphics, while dated, are still good. The environments are colorful, and the animations are vibrant and, at times, funny. The enemies are well detailed for being over ten years old and the summons provide cool animations as well.

Final Fantasy VI uses the active time bar (ATB). The only problem with the ATB is its speed. It is very slow, but remember that its time, it was an ingenious system. However, you can adjust it in the options menu. The magic system is also unique. You equip an esper (a magical creature) that contains set of abilities that can be learned after a certain number of enemy encounters. Overall the game play is good but it can be slow at times.

Final Fantasies are known for their music. FFVI is no exception. I think it has the best soundtrack I have ever heard. I have heard complaints regarding the sound quality on the GBA port but I have no issues with it. It has a great score with fantastic melodies.

FFVI features four new espers, new magic spells, new items, and two new bonus dungeons. The Dragon’s Den is extremely challenging and will force a lot more time to be put in. A ton of new items are found that haven’t been seen in the original. The Soul Shrine forces you to fight 100 waves of enemies which can be a daunting task. FFVI also includes a bestiary and sound gallery. The bonus content should really encourage veterans to replay this game once again.

Everything about this game is unforgettable. The villains, characters, music, storyline, and game play combine to make a wonderful RPG. People who missed out on this classic before go out and buy it. And if you played this game back on the SNES or the Playstation, do yourself a favor and pick it up again.