Chromelodeon was a band that I had immediately followed ever since I saw them perform an entire set of Ninja Gaiden 2 covers at the Virginia based Magfest 3 gaming convention. For 7 years, they were able to successfully achieve a marriage of synths, guitars, bass, accordion, and drums that would help define their sound and style as “epic old school gaming prog rock”. But as all good things must come to an end, Chromelodeon had announced at the beginning of the year that they would be calling it quits, with one final show at their Philadelphia home base in April. Not to go out with a whimper, they also decided to release a new album with 6 original songs that were never recorded before. Dubbed “The Final Recordings”, this album serves as an emotional look at a band that had stuck together for so long without ever losing a step along the way. And it shows everyone who never had the chance to see or hear them just what they had missed out on. (more…)

Dark, heavy, and distorted. All the elements that made Alice In Chains so great resonate from their 1995 self-titled album, simply dubbed Alice in Chains. While the energy from Dirt is not found on this album, the creativity is complete. There are no fast paced “throw your balls against a wall” rock songs. The tracks on this album approach rock from a different angle. The main theme of this album is Staley’s drug addiction. The album sounds like a swan song written by men who thought the end was near. This would be Alice in Chains’ last studio album and the last time singer Layne Staley would grace the microphone for the the band, aside from the Unplugged session in 1996 and a few songs recorded for the box set in 1999. It is eerie how appropriate this album is to what would happen to Alice In Chains, especially Layne. But it offers listeners some of the best rock from the 1990s.

“Grind” kicks off the album in a haunting way. Written from the view of a rotting corpse, this song oozes ambiance. The guitar of Cantrell echoes in such a way that it creates an image of an unearthed shallow grave and inside the grave is a cold body, decomposing and twisted. Layne’s voice meshes with Cantrell’s guitar perfectly to create the full effect of death.

The two ballads, “Heaven Besides You” and “Shame In You” are well done and make this album a little more diverse. “Heaven Beside You” was the big hit from this album. It beings as an upbeat track, but two minutes into the song things take turn for the dark side. Returning to the dark allows this song to fit well on the album. “Shame In You” reminds me of a Pink Floyd ballad. The arrangement of the song and the instrumentals have that progressive early ‘70s feel to them. The only difference is Staley’s vocals.

Clocking in at a little over eight minutes is the song “Frogs”. Somehow this song is creepier than Grind. It offers up image after image of pain, wasted youth, death, agony, and regret. Written by Staley, it plays out like his personal obituary written a few years before he died. He had a heroin addiction that he would later die from, and this song spans his life from the time of his childhood to his unfortunate present state of being. It is incredibly depressing hearing his own voice sing these lyrics. It is one of the most powerful songs I have ever heard.

Following in the same tone is “Sludge Factory”. It talks about the problems addicts have and the consequences that they face. Staley sings about the contradictions addicts have, saying they don’t have a problem until it is too late, but, at the same time, they will profess how messed up they are. The song breaks down at the end with Staley speaking softly under Cantrell’s riffs. Like this voice is repeating these words in his mind. Reminding Staley that all hope is lost and he will succumb to heroin. The song concludes with Cantrell scratching at the stings of his guitar creating a metaphor for the dying of the brain and gradual stopping of the heart.

It is unfortunate that most people think of the Dirt album when they think Alice in Chains. While that is a great album, this self-titled, “three legged dog” album often goes underappreciated. Showing a dog missing a leg on the cover relates very well to this band. Soon they would be missing a member of their band like the dog is missing one of its limbs. The tone and foreshadowing is frightening and makes this a powerful combination. While the album has a few forgettable songs (”God Am”, “So Close” are not as strong as some of the other aformentioned songs), this album is still a great and worthwhile listen.

This is the first of many 7 inches set to be released by SC3 this year. Limited to 1000 copies each, these recordings will never be released on CD aside from one or two alternate versions. As of this review, they have only been available at live shows excluding eBay auctions ending at over 4 times the “retail” value, which demonstrates the level of fanaticism select listeners of Mr. Trey Spruance’s projects are infected with. (more…)

It’s always considered a gamble whenever a relatively popular cartoon show gets the big screen treatment. Some have always avoided it until it became inevitable (The Simpsons, of course), and others have struck at what most fans would consider the height of their popularity (Beavis and Butthead , South Park). For Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim cult classic, the movie adaptation had built it’s own hype around the time it took to come out (almost 2 years) and the good/bad publicity it carried with it (the now infamous Boston “bomb scares”). The show itself ran into a bit of a wall over the past year, with not too much material being released and whatever was released ended up not being as great as the show’s hey day. So when the time had finally come to release the movie, it turned out that this really wasn’t a movie to begin with in the first place. And that’s ok, as long as you love the show in the first place. (more…)

McKenzie Brewhouse is a great bar/restaurant in Malvern, PA (also one located in Chadd’s Ford) that serve beers that they happen to brew there. After an excellent showing of Grindhouse earlier in the evening, I ventured to McKenzie’s with my cohorts, the Hohman brothers and Ben Pelhan, to partake in their game room and formally try out their beers.

McKenzie’s has 5 beers: McKenzie Light Lager, Shane’s Gold, Wicked Will’s Pale Ale, Unicorn Amber Ale, and Black Lab Stout.

McKenzie Light Lager: This is a very light beer, not too harsh and no particular aftertaste. Kinda like a Miller Lite. It was decent to drink, and I had a few, but I would say it is not worth the brewery price tag.

Shane’s Gold: This was gold-ish pilsner…very generic for the most part. Not really terrible, but far from memorable. Definitely could taste the hops. Kind of had a bitter metallic aftertaste which I ruined it for me. Might have been the individual tap, but I didn’t order another to find out.

Wicked Will’s Pale Ale: I’m not a huge pale ale fan, and most of us agreed this one was mediocre. Had a faint citrusy, fruity taste, but definitely felt it could have been more prominent. I had one and struggled through it.

Unicorn Amber Ale: This one was great! A brown ale, something I have not tried a lot of, but had tons of flavor and kinda drank like fine Lager. This is far an away their best beer and the one I had the most of. Deep flavor that isnt harsh, and goes down nicely.

Black Lab Stout: I tried a bit of one of these, and I didn’t care for it. I’m not a huge stout fan to start with (it’s a bit too dark and heavy for my tastes), but the flavor just wasn’t good. It was a mix of too many things, I felt. It is listed as tasting of licorice, coffee, and chocolate, and that’s nothing I want in a beer. Pass.

Overall, the beer gets a big, fat, meh.

So the beer of McKenzie’s isn’t the strongest point. However, they do stock liquor unlike some breweries, and they have two floors, one upstairs for eating and live bands, and one downstairs for pool, darts, and other games. The downstairs is really relaxed and never seemed overcrowded with people. And unlike most downstairs bars, this one was not an afterthought. The decor was nice, and it easily could have been a corner sports bar anywhere. It is a nice contrast to the action upstairs which tends to be a more social, less gaming oriented crowd.

Even with bars on both floors, the atmosphere is very clean and friendly both upstairs and down. The place is packed with HD TV’s playing sports at all times, which is a nice diversion between rounds of darts or if you just wanna check some scores. The security at times feels a little overbearing (I went just outside the door within view the whole time to make a phone call and upon coming back in, I was hassled for ID again, even though he saw me go out, and they don’t really hesitate to kick people out if they get rowdy), but the feel and fun of the place really improves my opinion of McKenzie’s.

Originating out of pure need, the Gutenberg Press (the shot) follows suit in it much other brothers footsteps, the true Gutenberg Press. Ill thrown a little history your way with the true Gutenberg Press then mind-fuck you with the Hohman remix of the Gutenberg which I am sure will sweep the nation like pogs, and slap bracelets. Well back in 1440 Johannes Gutenberg made his first hand press printer, which eventually made the first ever volume printed book ever on September 30 1452, The Bible(I know boring and so one religion, but still coolish).

Keeping in with the idea of making new things that can spread like wildfire and make the world shutter/tremble at my feet, I made the Gutenberg Press! On the fine night if 2/03/07 I came up with this more then fine concoction. It was made to be a dark shot chilled and shaken, and or stirred to more resemble the ink that is used during the printing process. I was drunk at the time so I thought that Gutenberg was American so I picked JD, since then it has become a mainstay in the lineup nothing else seems to fit. I use regular blueberry schnapps as my mainstay and Starbucks liquor as my coffee liquor(anything is fine though). It has been quoted as nyself and others as tasting distinct

Editor’s Note: While little drunk Hohman tried his best to create a sweeping and epic story about his shot, I’m pretty sure he just passed out at the computer and left us with this. I’ve left it as is. If you want my opinion, the shot sounds strange, gross, and unappealing, but it tastes kinda like blueberry pancakes. It could be a lot worse. - Zach

After two albums and a handful of EPs on subpop, the guys from 6FS had cut teeth. Being settled into their own sound-vision, all that was left to do was hammer out a full record’s worth of strong material. That’s the recipe for a classic and I think they succeded here. Although it looks extremely similar to Severe Exposure (their previous outing) on paper, Paranormalized somehow takes on a character of its own. (more…)

The Movie -

Hired! Part 2 - GOOD

Manos - BAD

Beginning this episode of MST3K we have the “stirring conclusion to Hired!”, a rather odd short about selling Chevrolets. It’s a weird kind of short because typically, the shorts seen on MST3K were either educational dialogues intended for high schoolers (one about Benjamin Franklin teaching about making a budget or some guy talking about proper speaking traits) or entertaining shorts made for kids (ie. Gumby shorts). This short is all about the proper way to manage a team and get the most out of your employees. Now that I think about it, I might want to show this to my supervisor, because he clearly does not know how to get the most out of us. In the first part of this short, which was shown in the previous episode, some car salesman supervisor is upset because the promising young salesmen he has hired over the last year or so have not performed very well, even though he thought they would be excellent salesmen from the start. He goes home to complain about it to his dad, who likes to put handkerchiefs on his head to avoid bugs apparently, and his dad gives him some homespun wisdom, which is where this half of hired picks up the story. Dad tells son to help guide the employees, son does so, everyone benefits, the salesmen become good salesmen, the end. What’s really impressive about this short is that a lot of the pauses and moments of montages are so perfectly timed for jokes. It’s almost as if they knew this show would come around in 40 years to mock it. Plus, the shorts are always really over the top with their message, making it easy on the boys. So that’s in the Good.

As for the film, Manos is one of those legendary titles amongst MST fans, and there is some reason for it. It’s one of those movies that you watch and you think, “Man, some dumbass Texas fertilizer salesman must have made this movie.” In this case, you would be absolutely right. Manos starts off painfully enough and gets worse as time goes on. The story centers around a family: husband, wife, daughter, and Pepe, the dog. They are on their way to God knows where in some bass ackwards part of some godforsaken state when they get lost. The getting lost segment is about five minutes of driving footage with elevator music in the background. PAINFUL. Finally, they arrive at what appears to be a house to ask for directions. An odd man named Torgo, who speaks of “The Master” (No, it’s not “Man, the Master”), greets them at the door looking like a deranged psychopath. Somehow the husband is not only oblivious to the complaints of his wife (who is sensible enough to know when she’s in the presence of a lunatic) but also stupid enough to ask for shelter from the freak. After much “debating”, Torgo allows them to stay, where basically everything goes from worse to worse (no, I did not mess that up.) Along the way we meet “The Master”, Pepe is mauled by a larger, meaner dog, the Master’s wives debate whether to kill everyone who is not the wife, Torgo makes passes at the wife, and the wives start wrestling. The ending will disturb you, according to any other site you read about this film, but I was so beyond caring about this film that I was not all that disturbed.

The reasons I have for not rating this movie Ugly were twofold. First, the wife is freaking hot. Second, characters like Torgo and the Master are so over the top and loony that they make for great riffing. But this movie has side characters that add nothing to the film, too much bad music, and too much stupidity for me to personally like it.

The Host Segments:

Starts off with Joel adding something to the Bots that make everything he says and does seem brilliant to them. Makes him feel kinda empty inside. Hmmm, reminds me of my thoughts on this host segment.

Invention Exchange:

Deep 13 Invention: The Chocolate Bunny Guillotine. Allows you to cut the heads off of Easter bunnies without getting your hands all chocolaty. The little bits about how the rabbit is condemned (”stealing eggs in a time of famine”) and seeing Frank in an executioners outfit are pretty good, but kind of a “meh” overall.

Satellite of Love Invention: The Cartooner. This invention takes two different kinds of comic strips and combines them to make them funny. They mix The Far Side and Family Circus, Cathy and the Lockhorns, and Blondie with one of those outdoor ones, I forget the name. My issue with this invention, and others from this season, is that it’s pretty evident that Joel was not the driving force behind the Invention Exchanges anymore. The original premise of the invention exchanges were that they were outlets for Joel to do his prop comedy and fill time. When it became clear that Joel’s brand of prop comedy was no longer the thrust of this part of the show, they started to kinda suck in my opinion. There are exceptions, but kinda weak. Plus, this one isn’t all that funny.

Rest of the Host Segments: Okay, so first off, they aren’t funny until the very end, where Mike Nelson (head writer and eventual host) does his killer Torgo impersonation. But before that part, it’s a bunch of the crap host segments that I hate, where Joel and the Bots either do something silly but not funny or they start making lists of crap (in this case, lists of monsters with really bad “frightening” attributes, a la Torgo and his big thighs).

Second, this is the second episode in the series at this point where Joel and the Bots start crying about how bad the movie is. The first one was Castle of Fu Manchu, and in both of those episodes, the host segments suffered because of this crying. In Fu Manchu, at least, Dr. F and Frank were celebrating that they were making J&tB cry. In this one, they apologize. Now, the reason this pisses me off is because we’re watching the film, we know how bad it is. We don’t need the writers and actors to constantly remind us that they think this film is bad. WE KNOW. But because they keep drawing attention to the fact that the movie sucks it kills us from enjoying the riffing, which I will talk about next. It’d be like if you’re watching a good movie, and someone keeps poking you and reminding you it’s a good movie, it kind of takes away from the experience. This is my problem with these host segments.

The Riffs:

Okay, so this movie runs hot and cold with me. I love the riffing from the short. It’s fast, it’s furious, it’s raunchy at times, and best of all, it’s funny. So A+ work there. As for the film riffs, it bounces back and forth from being as boring and tedious as what they are watching to being creative and hilarious. The beginning part is definitely the former, while the parts with Torgo are almost all funny. Torgo is just one of those characters that brings out a lot of good lines from Joel and the Bots. So is the Master. But there is just too much other stuff that doesn’t keep the audience interested. I’m not really going to write too much about this, because I’m just not enthused enough either way to talk about it. It’s a movie that draws everything down.

I think that this film is probably overrated in its popularity. It has its moments, but there are so many other episodes that are funny throughout, have better host segments, have more entertaining movies to riff, and give the people making this show energy that I can’t heartily endorse this one. I’m going to rate it a Poor, because I personally get no satisfaction from watching it anymore. Do yourself a favor and watch Space Mutiny or Godzilla vs. Megalon or Pod People before this one.

Axe’s commercials have never really sat well with me, and their product has always seemed targeted at the “idiot frat boy” demographic, which is fine, but that’s obviously not me. However, a gift pack for Christmas had this body wash in it, and I decided to give it a chance.

My first impression upon seeing it is confusion, as red is not a color i traditionally use on my body. And indeed, upon putting this on your body, it kinda feels like throwing fake blood on yourself. Not exactly the best thing, in my mind. This particular version is called boost, which has guava (huh?) and volcanic stone extract (huh???). Okay, totally odd combination, but what the hell, I said, maybe it is alright. My first impression of the smell was like popping open a Sobe drink. It doesn’t really smell fresh, or fruity…just…strange. I’ll give it credit for being different, but I would prefer a fresher, more invigorating smell than this. That fresh smell out of the shower makes me feel a lot cleaner, and I’m just not feeling it with this.

But on to actual use. I like my body wash to have a good foam to it, and the Axe does all right, but in comparison to the recently review Dial For Men or Old Spice High Endurance body washes, I felt it somewhat lacking. It seemed like I used more per wash to get the same effect, which , when considering the price of these washes, is an important factor. Add to this fact that the despicably charge 5+ dollars for only 12oz (almost every other wash is $5 or less for 18oz) and it’s obvious this product is more style and marketing than substance. On top of that, the smell doesn’t stay with you that long and after the initial confusing smell, it’s pretty damn forgettable. I’m still waiting to “unleash the power of extra sexual perception” as the side of the product claims.

I personally haven’t tried the rest of the brand’s releases, but this definitely wasn’t a great introduction.

When you hear the word “Namco”, what do you think of? Pac Man? Galaga? Tekken? Maybe Time Crisis, or how about Ridge Racer? Yes, all of these are classics of arcades everywhere, being revived in a big way for….err, wait. That meme doesn’t belong here. Looking at that list, Namco has quite the venerable repertoire, but there’s one series that holds a special place in my heart: the Soul Edge / Soul Calibur games. And Soul Calibur II is the pinnacle of bunch. Granted, SCII was my first exposure to the series, so maybe that statement is a bit biased. But read on and you’ll see why I like it.

First of all, this game actually has a decent, albeit corny storyline, unlike most fighting games. Basically, there is this somehow all-powerful sword called Soul Edge. Yes, I said all-powerful. Soul Edge is not just an ordinary sword…it’s the bane of Evil, and sentient to boot. So I guess what I really mean is that it’s a possessed sword that will steal your soul and wants to take over the world. Naturally, nobody is aware of this, and everyone is out to get the sword, because rumor has it that it will increase fighting abilities beyond belief. But enough about Soul Edge…this game has Soul Calibur in the title, remember? Now for some back-story. In the past, Soul Edge, wherever it came from, was found by a powerful warrior, and it subsequently consumed him. None dared challenge his power. Enter Soul Calibur, the sword forged to defeat Soul Edge. Another warrior (thank you, Namco, for never giving us names) finds Soul Calibur and sets out to challenge Soul Edge. After an epic battle, Soul Edge was defeated, and shattered into pieces. Both warriors vanished and the “tale of two swords” faded into history. SCII takes place many years after all that, and in thats time, the shattered fragments of Soul Edge were unknowingly transported across the land. Now the evil sword has reformed, and calls out to all warriors; young and old, strong and weak, disciplined and wild. That’s where you come in…find Soul Edge. Will you destroy it or wield it? Ok, so maybe that’s been done before. But the rest of the game makes up for that.

The first thing you’ll notice about SCII are surely the graphics. Crisp, clean, and finely detailed, they look the same as (if not better than) the arcade version, which was excellent to begin with. Needless to say, they are a drastic improvement over the original Soul Edge’s graphics, with realistic models and fluid facial expressions. The game purportedly runs at a constant speed of 60 FPS, showing no signs of slowdown whatsoever. Namco did a great job on this one. Definitely the best looking fighting game to date when it came out, and it still looks good to my eyes.

Moving on, the musical scores are fantastic. Not only are they composed well, but the mixing is excellent, and sounds amazing on a 5.1 surround system. I have to say, though, you won’t really be paying much attention with all the fast paced fighting going on. Sound effects are good as well, but they do get annoying after a while. I can only take so much “Hoo Ho! Ha!” before I have to turn them down. Not to mention that the random statements from characters at the beginning and end of battles get real old real quick. But hey, it could be worse. (Here’s looking at you, Dragon Ball Z Budokai.)

Surely most would agree, though, that game mechanics are the most important part of a fighting game. And that’s where SC II really shines. The controls are simple and easy to learn, yet hard to master; the way a good fighter should be. One interesting thing about the Soul series is that all characters fight with a particular weapon (mostly) unique to them. With the exception of Heihachi from the Tekken games, that is (PS2 version only), who fights with his fists. My biggest complaint is that even though controls are adjustable, the GameCube controller can makes things awkward, and I highly recommend getting an arcade-style stick. In SCII, combo moves are easily executed, but not too easily. There are literally hundreds of combinations at your disposal. The AI is great, but very frustrating at times. At least that keeps the game challenging. One of my favorite features is that not only do you get the original Arcade mode, but you also get Weapons Master mode (sort of like a story mode), in which you pick a character and go search for Soul Edge. This is the best (and only in most cases) way to unlock extra features, and believe me there are a ton of them. From new weapons, to costumes, to characters, the game gives plenty of incentive to keep playing. That also adds to what I believe to be a very high replay value.

Overall, this game is a classic, simply put. Great graphics, sound, and fighting system make highly enjoyable game. And the best part is that it can be picked up for very cheap now. I give it a 9/10 simply because I’m a hard critic and never give a game a 10. Hey, nothing’s perfect…