I’m sure we all know the Mario Kart series by now. It’s considered to have some of the most entertaining multiplayer experiences we could ever have. And when the DS incarnation took the series online, it seemed unstoppable and even more addictive beyond belief. But there was always something that bugged me. The games were fun, but they never felt…right. Even as experimental as the series has been (from special items in Double Dash to the rise of snaking in DS), they never seemed to perfect the formula that the original SNES game set the proper foundation for. (more…)

A trip to Los Angeles circa 1984 would have yielded a young musician with a world of excess and metal. At this time in musical history, Motley Crue (forgive my lack of umlauts) was one of the founding members of a genre of metal affectionately called ‘hair metal’. They indulged in the excess around them, and their individual lives became derailed.

Guitarist Mick Mars financially hit rock bottom around 2000 when he filed for bankruptcy. Bass player Nikki Sixx was a heroin addict who temporarily lost his life to the drug. Singer Vince Neil killed his friend while driving under the influence. And drummer Tommy Lee served time in jail for the accidental drowning of a young child at his home. Each member of Crue was under the age of twenty-five when they found success in the music business. It took them a long time to grow up and develop beyond adolescence (although I am fairly certain Tommy Lee will never grow up). Despite the low points that surfaced during the lives of these four men, they have endured to record a new album. For the first time in almost ten years, the original members of Motley Crue have assembled and released Saints of Los Angeles. This album tells the story of Motley Crue and their rise to fame in an unforgiving city twenty some years ago.

Saints of Los Angeles oozes with grit. Like the city that inspired its name, the album is dark and grimy. Gone are the soft ballads and pop metal of the 80’s. These men have crafted a soundtrack to Los Angeles that starts off with a warning. “L.A.M.F.” is an introduction that prepares the listener with lines like, “fat cats grovel, ready to steal your innocence, and exploit your soul.” After this, you are catapulted into “Face Down in Dirt” which is a hard hitting rock song powered by Lee’s drumming and Mars’ guitar licks. From this point forward, you realize that Crue is back and they sound sharper than ever. Modern rock bands should take notes on what today’s hard rock should sound like. The energy and electricity Motley Crue captured is unreal. The song “Down at the Whisky” is incredibly catchy and demonstrates how in sync this band can be. Each musician is at the top of his game and each instrument comes together beautifully. Neil’s voice is strong and sounds like he is twenty-five again. Mars’ guitar work is outstanding. It is the main driving force behind every track. The man deserves major recognition for his playing ability. The guitar is deeper from most of their pervious work. It combines a Jerry Cantrell squeal with a classic Motley guitar sound.

Nikki Sixx has always been an average bass player but his main contribution has been song writing. Once again his lyrics shine. You can feel the pain this band went through when you listen to the lyrics on Saints of Los Angeles. Sleazy managers, drugs, women, and living in squalor are the themes this band discusses. It paints a vivid portrait for anyone who listens. My personal favorite track would be the title song. It opens with an eerie bass line followed by a Mars’ riff that reminds me of “Kickstart my Heart”. Deep into the song Neil screams, “Give it up, give it up” which signifies giving in to the hard rock lifestyle. It crescendos at the perfect point in the song and is a great example that Motley Crue have evolved as musicians. Despite the greatness, I feel there are a few weak spots on the album. “Welcome to the Machine” and “Just Another Psycho” are very strong lyrically but lack distinction.

Saints of Los Angeles breathes new life into Motley Crue without the band trying to recapture its glory from the 80’s. The intensity and speed is back in full force, and there are no songs of love lost or the use of an acoustic guitar. Modern rock just got a kick in the ass, courtesy of Motley Crue. Now wake up and rock hard.

Normally, Music of the Week is a column devoted to spotlighting great music my fellow writers are listening to. However, this week, I’m making an exception.

Being an obsessive fan of the video game music scene for the past eight years, I make it a point to check out pretty much every cover band that I hear about. I first heard of the band This Place Is Haunted a couple of years ago, and I have to admit, after listening to some demo tracks on their Myspace, I was not impressed. However, I try my best to have a bit of faith in a band that is just starting out. So when they put out their debut release “Everything You Know Is Wrong”, I made sure to pick up a copy at MAGFest 5. After all, I had heard nothing but praise from the few people I had talked to regarding this band, and the tracklist was quite impressive. I was excited the first time I sat down to listen to what I was hoping would be a great album, but it didn’t take long for that excitement to turn into complete disappointment. And after several listens, it was confirmed that everything I knew was true…this band is horrible! The album was plagued with poor production, sloppy playing, and uninteresting arrangements. Despite having a very promising tracklist, ultimately “Everything You Know Is Wrong” was a complete let down. Even after all this time, I still cannot find any redeeming qualities about this release.

So when This Place Is Haunted announced late last year that they were releasing a new EP entitled “This Game Is Fucking Bullshit”, my first thought was that the title should probably be “This Band Is Fucking Bullshit”. But I have seen many times in the past that bands and artists can improve in relatively short amounts of time, and as details about this release began to emerge, I decided to give them a second chance. With another interesting tracklist and Dino (of Chromelodeon/Sprite Slowdown fame) playing synth on some of the tracks, it seemed impossible that this CD could be anywhere near as poor as their initial release. I should’ve figured out by now that if anyone can let you down and ruin great source material, it is This Place Is Haunted.

What is most disappointing is that many of the same problems from the debut album are still present on “This Game Is Fucking Bullshit”. The production is still poor, the playing is still sloppy, and the arrangements are still boring. If you actually own this CD and you do not know what I’m talking about, here is an example – put on Castlevania 2, fast forward to around 41 seconds, and listen to all hell break loose as this band butchers the Town theme from Simon’s Quest. It doesn’t even sound like they practiced before they went into the studio to record this abomination. In a time where artists can create very high quality recordings in their bedrooms using even the most primitive of recording setups, it is not at all acceptable for a band to release and charge money for something that sounds this bad.

Even still, I decided to give This Place Is Haunted one more chance at the most recent MAGFest, and I watched them perform live. I’d heard people say “Man, even if you don’t like their studio stuff, holy shit, they’re so good live!” Well, those people are fucking liars. I’m not going to say that there weren’t a couple of decent moments during their set, and I even found myself in the mosh pit a couple of times, but overall, I mostly found myself TRYING to enjoy them, because they really weren’t doing a good job of entertaining me. Their playing was so inconsistent; at times they sounded tight, like they actually had their shit together, but for the most part, their performance was just as sloppy and boring as both of their albums. Judging from their small crowd (the smallest crowd out of any of the bands that played at Magfest 6), it seems others felt the same way. After a few songs, I finally gave up and left the concert room.

Honestly, despite their attempts defend themselves, their music speaks for itself. My first hunch was right, “this band is fucking bullshit”.

The Metal Gear franchise has often been the subject of heated debate amongst gamers new and old alike. The ones that have embraced it will cite the original Metal Gear Solid and its successors as the perfect blend of cinema and game play. Detractors will fault the games for being more movie than anything else and with the narrative jumping the proverbial shark around the second installment. Metal Gear Solid 4 has finally arrived as a PS 3 exclusive (contrary to heavy rumors of a 360 port). It’s safe to say that Guns of the Patriots will not convert any previous haters of the series. But those that have stuck through the long and engrossing story will be rewarded with closure and a proper send off to one of gaming’s greatest stories ever told about a legendary hero of war named Solid Snake. (more…)

In the spirit of Metal Gear Solid 4’s release last week, I reviewed what I could afford…the $20 portable game. Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops is an interesting addition to the Metal Gear series. While I picked it up expecting a game along the lines of the other numbered games in the MGS series, what I ended up with is something of a mishmash of the series’ signature stealth gameplay, strategy game, RPG, and graphic novel.

First thing is first though; the game controls and feels like every other MGS game since the first one, so if you didn’t like any of the others, this one really isn’t going to change your mind. I fall in the camp that happens to like them, so this game served as a nice reminder of how well the gameplay still holds up. The game also begins assuming you have played all of MGS3 and are intimately familiar with it and its characters. And I…did not play all of MGS3, so much of the story was of the “hmm, don’t know that guy, or that one…not sure what that means…what are they talking about” variety for me. A primer to catch some people up would have been fantastic, but no such luck here.

Regardless, the story isn’t terribly hard to follow from an overview standpoint. This game is a sequel to MGS3, taking place in the 70’s. The game stands out as different from the other MGS titles because of the fact that you can recruit enemy soldiers by knocking them out and bringing them back to the level’s starting point. Once you recruit an enemy soldier, you can play as them. It’s very odd to control an MGS game as a no-name character, but each character you recruit has unique skills that can make your life a lot easier when sneaking around. Some can blend in with enemy soldiers, some can drag enemies faster, some have superior stamina, some can flesh out the maps for you, etc. In addition to telling a decent story, the name of the game is really collecting soldiers, because you need a lot of them. You get several different types of groups in the between mission menu that you have to fill out with soldiers. There’s a spy group where you can put soldiers at every location in the game to collect intel for you, a medic group to collect supplies, a tech group to create and accumulate ammo…so there’s lot of roles to fill. Oh, and you go into missions with a 4 man team that you can switch out at any time. I think what is frustrating about this whole thing is that the game actually has tons of great hidden characters, but they are nearly impossible to find without looking at a strategy guide. I got to nearly the end of the game and I had nothing but common grunts, a few doctors, and some generals. I look online and find out I can recruit nearly every character in the game through various means? Lame. That’s really awesome but not making that clear at all is irritating.

And really, I think that’s one of the most bothersome parts of the entire game. There’s too much good hidden stuff that is never really even hinted at. Considering that I have always considered MGS games to be relatively linear, cinematic experiences, this game is almost completely opposite. Instead, there is minimal story for much of the game, and there’s a loose feel to the game, where you can take on story based missions to further the game, or take on various side tasks that are revealed through random placement of spies. I’m guessing the disjointed feel of the game was to make it more portable friendly, in that there are longer story missions, and quicker side missions, but I don’t know how well that benefits this game. I mean, Metal Gear just isn’t a series that lends itself well to pick up and play gaming. You need to sit down and dedicate some time. And while the quick missions are nice, they usually feel rather pointless. Many of them are for random items you might already have or to rescue characters you may never use. And frankly, when I am playing the game, I want the mission I’m on to further the story, not be some pointless fetch quest. However, most story missions are pretty long and don’t lend themselves well to the “pick up and go” feel they tried to go with, so Portable Ops tries to have it both ways and doesn’t quite succeed in defining a true identity here. If there’s one benefit to the open ended gameplay, it is that it leaves a lot of time for fucking around in stages. Most MGS players know that fucking around with soldiers is one of the best parts of the game, and the ability to reload a level if things go wrong or you set a trap that doesn’t work is rather valuable and fun.

The story is pretty good overall, but it also feels like a gifted student that doesn’t apply himself until the final when he needs to pass the course. The game leads you along with the whole “stop the Metal Gear, don’t let them launch the nukes” story from one mission to the next, but you never get too attached to any of the characters or bosses you meet before you take them on. Once you hit a boss battle, then the story kicks in through some pretty Ashley Wood graphic novel cutscenes (no in game cinemas here) and you start to kinda get into it and all the political intrigue and double crossing, but before you know it, it drops you out on the mission select screen and leaves you wanting more. In the end, the game really shines with a fantastic ending that ties together MGS3 with MGS1 and 2, and you get a compelling end battle with the game’s antagonist Gene over his beliefs versus your own, which leads into how the events of Metal Gear occurred.

The graphics are pretty great in this game, looking like a close approximation of Metal Gear Solid 2/3 PS2 graphics. It’s a little rougher in places, and occasionally, you see seams in the environments, but it’s still quite nice technically. If I had one complaint, it is that there too many generic “base” type levels where you seem to be crawling and sneaking around the same looking levels, but they do spice it up in some areas, like ravines, town, and wilderness outposts, which are very welcome and some of the best parts of the game. The game controls pretty great, and maps all the usual MGS controls onto the PSP nicely. I had really no complaints about how it played. If you have played and MGS games, you will feel right at home here. The sound plays an important part in the game in regards to hearing where enemies are and getting the full experience from the voice acting. The voice acting is all pretty good, and while it is a little sparse at times, the graphic novel cinematics really come to life with actors in them. The music ranges from great and epic to real background music at times, but there’s a great end theme and some standout tracks throughout.

Again, I find myself writing a more negative than positive review, but in the end, I did enjoy this game. While some of the decisions like enemy recruitment, less story, and loose direction puzzled me a bit, I poured 20 hours into this game without even realizing it. And that is without even really playing the Metal Gear Online part of the game, which I figure should be a separate review entirely, as this is already getting long-winded. But the easy answer as to whether this is a game you would be interested in boils down to whether you like Metal Gear Solid. If you do, this is a no brainer. If you don’t, I’m not sure this is the game to jump into the series. You’ll miss a lot of story references and you may not see what has garnered the series such a rabid, large fanbase. It’s a competent, good addition to the numbered games.

So last week I covered a fun little import game for the SNES called Umihara Kawase. Then I decided to try…Lester the Unlikely.

Within the first four seconds of booting my SNES up, I knew this was gonna be a hard endeavor finishing this game. The first thing you hear is something that sounds a little like a mentally retarded kid losing his balance. Actually, I apologize to mentally handicapped children everywhere for me actually likening them to this game. That’s just insulting on so many levels.

Upon actually starting the game, it doesn’t fare much better than the first impression. The game is horrible. You character, Lester, is reading a comic book on a pier. This part alone begins the cycle of confusion you will experience during this game. He then falls asleep on a box that conveniently gets loaded into a freighter without anyone noticing that Lester is there. Then, the boat apparently crashes, and Lester gets stranded on a desert isle.

Upon getting control of Lester, you find he has some issues. Lester controls like he has some sort of unstoppable momentum that no real human could ever have. And he is weak! His only attack is a limp, wimpy kick that is basically your ticket to almost anything you do in this game. Giant Tiki Statue that no person could ever move by himself? Limpy kick it, and it’ll fall over. Turtle biting you? Limpy kick it, and it’ll retreat into it’s shell. And when you die, you curl into the fetal position, where you assumedly cry yourself to sleep on the desert island you’ve found yourself on.

This is a short game filled with cheap deaths, bad ‘WTF’ moments, and lots of nonsense. I mean seriously, some nerd can take out an entire ship of seasoned pirates? I don’t buy it. Also, one of the biggest moments of horror I’ve ever faced came at the end of the game.

The possibility of a Lester 2! Luckily, this game was never successful.

The game achieves a rating of…Terrible.

Contributed by Matt Gburek, our senior correspondent in Japan.

Alien Solider may potentially be my favorite platformer of all time, though this changes like the wind blows, so it would largely depend on my mood and/or the current phase of the moon. At any rate though, I’m hard pressed to think of a game that manages to be both challenging and remain an involving experience for the player. It wouldn’t be out of the question to call Alien Soldier a boss fest, but it is drawn together in such a cohesive manner that the whole game really just feels like one, long level that doesn’t let up for a second until the bitter end. The game starts in an airport and ends in a dramatic outer space battle with a giant mechanical lion with almost no pause in between. The bosses themselves are often grotesque, but beautiful, and well-animated. There’s even a cameo by Seven Force (of Gunstar Heroes fame!) as a major boss in a later stage.

The game’s title screen bears the words “VISUALSHOCK! SPEEDSHOCK! SOUNDSHOCK!”, Which seems like basic Engrish, but there’s definitely some meaning behind those words. In an interview I read with Treasure CEO Masato Maegawa, their goal with the game was to “go as far as we can possibly go” with the Genesis/Megadrive hardware, and it shows. The quality of the sprite animation is second to none for its time, there is no slowdown whatsoever despite the high amount of objects on screen at once, it’s one of the fastest games I’ve ever played, and the music is catchy yet atmospheric and kind of creepy (occiaionally reminding me of noise acts such as Merzbow, etc.) Graphically, I usually have a hard time convincing people this was originally a Genesis game when I play it on my PS2. Yeah, it does look that good.

Gameplay-wise, there are several different weapons. You can choose up to four to carry at a time with two different modes of firing (one in which you can aim while firing but cannot move from your position, the other in which you can move but cannot change the direction in which you are firing). These modes can be changed by pressing down and then the weapon-change button. The controls take some getting used to since there’s a lot you have to be able to do on your own reflexes with only three buttons to use, but with a little practice you’ll get used to it. Staying at full health is important, since it is only at full health in which you can use the Zero Teleport, the most powerful attack in the game and absolutely essential for some boss fights.

But what I like most of all is just the overall consistency the game has. One moment I’m plugging away at a giant anthropomorphic tiger with my lasers, darting from one edge of the screen to another, in perfect rhythm; The next moment I’m in a long, dark tunnel illuminated only by my firepower; The next I’m riding on a giant moth flying upwards at high speeds while simultaneously attacking it when it suddenly hits a giant spider web. When the giant spider arrives to catch its prey, I’m abruptly forced to use the body of the moth I was riding on earlier as a shield, a shield which is slowly being covered by the offspring of the giant spider and consumed. Then I have to rid the moth of all the baby spiders to prevent it (which is my only platform) from reaching the bottom screen lest I fall into a bottomless pit, and all the while getting hits on the spider itself when I can. And there’s a time limit too, so there’s no time to rest. Sound hard? It is. And it only gets harder from there. In some platformers, there’s occasional easy bits/downtime. There’s none of that in Alien Soldier. By far one of the most intense, imaginative, and overall tight platformers ever.

If you want to play a legit version of the game but don’t have the cash to shell out for the insanely rare and highly valuable original cart, you should look into getting the Gunstar Heroes Treasure Box for the PS2 (assuming you can play imports). It’s only thirty bucks, it comes with both Japanese AND overseas versions of Gunstar Heroes (including the Game Gear version!), Dynamite Headdy, and Alien Soldier, as well as manual scans for all versions of the game, replay videos, and more. But yeah, mostly buy it for Alien Soldier. And if you have a Wii, it’s even easier to find the game. It’s on the Virtual Console, and well worth the money.

So go forth! If you haven’t played the game, play it! Alien Soldier is love, folks. Love.

I thought The Strangers looked interesting. The idea wasn’t revolutionary; a young couple is trapped in their home by some crazed lunatics, and they must find a way to survive. However, it looked creepy and suspenseful. I was lured to the theater with this false hope, and I was expecting a good time. Unfortunately, the only good thing that happened during The Strangers was the ending. I don’t mean the ending of the movie had a mind-blowing twist or that it was well executed and suspenseful, I mean when the screen went black and it was over. From boring start to disappointing end, this movie was horrid.

The movie opens with Kristen McKay (Liv Tyler) and James Hoyt (Scott Speedman) driving in silence to Hoyt’s summer home. It turns out Hoyt proposed to McKay earlier the day and she denied him. So now this romantic weekend he planned has turned into an awkward mess. So awkward that it produces a ridiculous scene where the not so happy couple attempts to have sex. This scene pissed me off for two reasons. One, Liv Tyler doesn’t get naked. What the hell kind of movie is this!? If you cast Liv Tyler, you better make sure she gets naked or the public will not be happy with your film (at least the male population that finds Liv Tyler attractive). Two, why would two people decide to have sex after their relationship has nearly fallen apart? It’s far too soon for them to have makeup sex. They start kissing out of nowhere and all of a sudden she is sitting on the table and he is removing her underwear. It’s an unnerving sequence of events, but it is luckily broken up by a knock at the front door.

Until now this movie has been moving along slowly, too slowly. The introduction of the main characters was painstaking because there was little dialog and little interaction. Now comes this strange knocking at four in the morning. A teenage girl is at the door and asks if Tamra is home. They reply with a “no” and close the door. This is the beginning of their nightmare. Three people wearing masks, a girl, a woman, and a man, stalk around the summer home in a bizarre game of cat and mouse. This movie uses simple fright tactics like someone popping out of the dark or a person slowly emerging from behind a corner. It was predicable, routine, and unoriginal. This type of movie has been made many times. You have to bring something new to the table that interests people and surprises them. Just last year the movie Vacancy was released. It was about a couple trapped inside a motel room by crazed people trying to kill them. At least have a nude scene with Liv Tyler.

Besides the lack of originality, I grew annoyed with the main characters. An often hysterical Liv Tyler could have been killed with ease several times, however, she continues to live. Throughout the movie I found myself hoping she would die for her stupidity and constant screaming. The two get chased inside the house and outside but at no time do they ever try to get away. The people who break into their home show no signs of having anything besides an axe and Hoyt is equipped with a shotgun at one point. It’s irritating watching stupid people live for so long.

This was a waste of ten dollars. Liv Tyler didn’t even get naked! I should have just said that and been done this review.