Clownsturbation
By Zach Patterson Wednesday, 15 Aug 2007

To honor our friend Brian Hohman, whose custom shots have given us nothing but joy and heartburn, Jeremy Stoltzfus and I decided to create a shot to attempt to strike fear into his heart. With nothing formally thought out except a name that combined clowns and masturbation, something he would undoubtedly not approve of (and one he has deep seeded hatred/fear of…maybe you can guess which one), we attempted to create a true monster.

Having no idea where to even start, we decided arbitrarily that Firewater needed to be part of it. This being, of course, 100 proof cinnamon schnapps. “But what would go with that?”, we thought. After looking over vodkas, the Absolut Peppar was the clear choice. An 80 proof vodka that mixes roasted jalapenos, green tomato and dried herbs, we saw this was turning out to be quite the spicy treat. Then we needed the final kicker: Bacardi 151. With all these ingredients, the final addition was just a small bit of Bailey’s, a jizzling, if you will, for effect.

Jeremy and I rushed out and bought the ingredients. Then we made the first batch. 1/5 151, 2/5 Absolut Peppar, and 2/5 Firewater. We mixed and poured, then added the small bit of Bailey’s. The light pink/red mixture turned slightly opaque, slightly resembling some bloody spunk. Bloody clown spunk, if you will (which has come to be an alternate name for the drink since inception).

As for the taste? Considering the powerhouse high concentrations of alcohol here, its actually…not…terrible. The taste isn’t gag inducing, and actually comes off just as a spicy shot with a little kick. The one true problem? The taste stays in your mouth forever. Try as you might, you’ll be tasting this one for at least a few minutes afterward.

However, considering how we had no idea what to make to start with, and its not completely awful, I deem this shot a success. Especially after the first night we made it. I blacked out halfway through the night and woke up sleeping on another man’s feet. Mission accomplished!

And Hohman? Apparently he liked it. Oh well.

5 Responses to “Clownsturbation”

  1. Nick Woodside Says:

    My dad keeps giving me bottles of 151 and it drives me crazy. When I make a drink, I like to taste the rum. Unfortunately with 151, by the time you’ve added enough to taste it, you’re fucked.

    This shot sounds interesting though.

  2. Brian Hohman Says:

    God damn that was a wicked shot, but I do enjoy it! That night was insane to say the least. It burns really bad like heartburn but only for a little bit, and flavorful out the ass. Also, Zach I hate you for that photo alone….It is disturbing…

  3. Sherv Says:

    I suddenly remembered this shot and realized that I have yet to try it!

  4. jer Says:

    Haha. Oh god. I still have the ingredients for this at my apartment.

    *shudders*

    Also, I just want to point out that in the ingredients section it should be irish cream and not coffee liquor.

    Enjoy.

  5. Zach Patterson Says:

    we need to resurrect this shot so i can remember how much i disliked it.

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