Leftovers: Two Oscar Winners and Halloween III
By Zach Patterson Monday, 7 Apr 2008

Over the course of the last week, I’ve watched a decent variety of movies. Now I’ll write about it.

Atonement

Maybe I’m just not sophisticated enough for this movie, but apparently people fuckin’ LOVED this movie. I don’t know, I wasn’t feeling it. It wasn’t particularly gripping, I felt the love connection was forced and not that convincing, and the story it told was told well enough but…well, it was just not that great. Young girl does bad thing to get young man imprisoned for crime he doesn’t commit and takes him away from his sudden love, Keira Knightley. Boy goes to war, girl eventually feels bad and tries to tell the full truth…meh. The war scenes weren’t gripping and the story was told in such a bland way. I could barely stay awake. Pass.

No Country For Old Men

Now this movie was all right. I love Coen movies usually anyway, and this movie gave me a bit of a Fargo-in-Texas feel. Javier Bardem makes the movie, and his character is probably one of the scariest and most fascinating villains in recent memory. He has no super powers, he doesn’t survive getting shot a million times, he’s just a dedicated sociopath that doesn’t stop until he finishes his job. His choice of weapon is unique, his manner of communicating is alien, and his whole persona just makes you feel uneasy. The rest of the cast is fantastic as well, and the whole plot really is gripping till the end. I felt the ending with Tommy Lee Jones was a little too quiet and philosophical compared to the rest of the movie, but I kinda understood why they chose to end it like that. Definitely deserving of the Best Picture nod.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Ah, now for the true gem of the week. When I saw the first few Halloween movies were On Demand, I hoped Halloween III would be one of them. Sure enough, it was. I’d read about this epic shittiness of this movie before, but man, does it ever deliver. I really don’t even need to give anything more than a synopsis here:

This movie is not about Michael Myers. It is about an old evil corporation owner involved in witchcraft who steals a 5 ton rock of Stonehenge (“Don’t ask me how!”) in order to take pieces of the rock and its “mystical powers”. He then implants them in children’s Silver Shamrock Halloween masks on a microchip (buh?), so that on Halloween, when the children watch a corporate sponsored commercial at 9pm with their masks on, their faces will melt and turn into snakes and locusts. Because it will be like the old times on Halloween. When children were murdered. Makes perfect sense. Also, the evil corp. owner apparently has made lifelike robot killing machines who exist everywhere and know everything, and kill anyone involved uncovering the plot. Then there’s the main character who’s a true 80’s man: killer ‘stache, hits on/sexually harasses every woman in sight, ex-wife is always giving him shit, drinks heavily and then drives to work…dude’s a real piece of work. And his love interest (daughter of a man killed in the beginning of the movie) is at least 20 years younger than him (until it turns out she might have been a robot the whole time…I guess?? At that point, the plot just kinda gave up and said “fuck it movie, you are on your own”)

This movie toes the line of completely boring, forgettable b-movie with its amazing ineptitude. The plot is so ridiculous that I could spend hours analyzing how this ever got filmed. At least John Carpenter made a decent soundtrack for it. But seriously, just see this thing. It’s a real fucking classic.

14 Responses to “Leftovers: Two Oscar Winners and Halloween III”

  1. Chris Derosa Says:

    I friggen love Halloween III. The others in the franchise bore me to tears now, but this one still holds up when it comes to making me laugh. I approve.

  2. Brian Hohman Says:

    I as a movie buff, who prides himself on watching the worst of the worst movies, am ashamed that I have not watched Halloween 3. I am making a point to watch it tonight! The sounds ripe with greatness….

  3. Zach Patterson Says:

    trust me, it does not disappoint.

  4. Brian Hohman Says:

    It doesn’t! How many times goes he get attacked by the robot girl? 4? Also, Channel 3, STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!!!!!!

  5. Matt Jones Says:

    Oh man, if there was EVER a movie that would have been perfect for an MST3K that couldn’t be on MST3K, it’s Halloween III.

    Ridiculous plot? Check.
    Bad acting? Check.
    Lots of time without talking? Check.

    Absolutely awful movie but awesome fodder for laughter.

  6. Zach Patterson Says:

    the best part is that up until the last 20 mins or so, you are thinking “what the fuck does season of the witch have to do with anything?” and then the dude just lays out his brilliant scheme and entire backstory. thanks writers!

  7. jer Says:

    I never saw Halloween 3.

    I did see No Country and Atonement, though, and I pretty much agree with you on both counts. I think you need ovaries to appreciate Atonement.

  8. Charlie Goodrich Says:

    I want to hurt Halloween III… hurt it real bad. The marathon of Death Wish movies I watched one day (yes, all five of them) was better. Needless to say, Halloween III needed Charles Bronson.

  9. Charlie Goodrich Says:

    I like how all but one of the comments is for Halloween haha. We’re a sad sad bunch.

  10. Zach Patterson Says:

    if by sad bunch, you mean awesome dudes, then yes.

    and jer, you need to see halloween III.

  11. Brian Hohman Says:

    and jer, YOU WILL SEE HALLOWEEN III.

  12. Chris Derosa Says:

    STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIT!

  13. Andrew Raub Says:

    Now I understand why Halloween III is so great.

  14. jer Says:

    Wow. I watched Halloween III this weekend, and it was truly a shit bomb.

    A few redeeming qualities:
    – Death by eye gouging
    – Nipple suckling
    – Orange juice spewing robots

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