|By Kevin Hagge||Friday, 22 Feb 2008|
“Last Action Hero” for the Super NES is quite possibly the worst video game I have ever had the misfortune of playing. To some it may seem pointless to bitch and complain about a game that was released nearly fifteen years ago, but we’re living in a time where retro is “in”, and a lot of people seem to be all about “classic” video games these days. Well, this one is far from a classic! I’m pretty sure that no game has pissed me off this much since the first time I played “Back To The Future” on the Nintendo Entertainment System as a kid (perhaps I should’ve learned then that it is usually a bad idea to play games that are based on big Hollywood movies). I have to say thanks and give a big “fuck you!” to my good friend and fellow Good-Evil contributor Audun Sørlie for ever recommending that I play this piece of shit.
But anyway, onto the review. “Last Action Hero” at first appears to be a fairly traditional Beat-’Em-Up type game, but early on in the first stage you discover that something went horribly wrong during the development of this abomination. The best way I can describe it, is that it is like playing “Double Dragon” with a broken controller. Whenever you encounter an enemy, you can try to attack them, but most of the time you are too busy getting your ass handed to you to even land a punch! The controls are not at all responsive, and on top of that, the difficulty level is what I would call “batshit insane”. I’m fairly sure that it is completely impossible to kill any of the bad guys without losing at least a quarter of your energy in the process.
There is however a fairly useful cheat that you can access early on that makes the game at least slightly playable. At the beginning of the first stage, if you walk up to the first police car that you encounter and punch the trunk seventeen times, you can refill your energy bar any time you want by holding in the R button on the SNES controller. But even using this cheat, I still haven’t had the patience to get past this first level. It’s just not worth it. I cannot find anything positive about this game, no matter how hard I try. The graphics are mediocre at best, the soundtrack is truly pathetic, but most importantly, the gameplay is completely cheap, and simply put, total bullshit. I honestly hate myself for ever giving this awful fucking game a chance.
Aside from the SNES version, “Last Action Hero” was also available on the NES, Game Boy, Genesis, Game Gear, and Amiga systems. Some were direct ports of this awful piece of shit while others were entirely new games, and while I’ve only had the misfortune to play the SNES version, I can’t imagine that any of the others would be very good. My recommendation is to stay the fuck away from any game that has “Last Action Hero” as the title.
And as Audun himself famously said, “I got that game for 90 bucks which was the price, my entire savings that year in my young life. It is to this day, the only time regret alone has made me openly cry for hours.”