Philadelphia – It’s not too bad!
By Kirk Bray Friday, 11 Jul 2008

Philadelphia is allegedly the sweatsuit capital of the world. I don’t know how they calculate that statistic, but it fits the town’s reputation comfortably aside from… ya know, all the killing and stuff. I live about as far north as you can get, just past murder-town. Since New York City is sort of the default city by most standards, I would have to say that its a hell of a lot better than Philadelphia. But Philadelphia rules Baltimore. Well, maybe not. Philadelphia rules Newark. And all of New Jersey for that matter. New Jersey really sucks. A lot. Anyone who has been to Brooklyn would agree that Philadelphia compares in many ways. For one, its about the size of Brooklyn as far as the metro area. Also, as opposed to New York City as a whole, where you have separation of high class and low class areas in large neighborhoods, i.e. Manhattan vs. South Bronx, Philadelphia is one big gray area of mediocrity. It instead has varying flavors throughout. There is the “Manhattan-esque” center city, which covers about a 10 block radius, including the old timey historic sections. There are the bohemian areas, including the ever gentrifying Northern Liberties, and of course South Street (however has become more like a skeezy boardwalk with headshops). Of course there are the bad neighborhoods, such as any neighborhood surrounding the main universities which hold within the opportunity for thousands of

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naive young suburban white people, including Temple in north Philly, Drexel and University of Pennsylvania both located in West Philly. If I could sum up the city in one word, it would be waffle fries and sewage. I like waffle fries, and if

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I wanted to be pretentious and live on twice the cost of living for little more benefit, I’d live in New York and eat flan all day on Wall Street or Williamsburg with the rest of my elitist NYC pals while I cash checks from my parents. Philadelphia may be a little rougher, and a little more working class, but thats what gives the city its charm.

8 Responses to “Philadelphia – It’s not too bad!”

  1. jer Says:


    I have mixed opinions on Philadelphia. Typically, if I’m operating a motor vehicle in Philly, I loathe it. The subways are also pretty disgusting. And getting harassed by bums while walking between bars is always a treat. But if I’m jaunting around to some of the nicer bars in a cab, enjoying a day of binge drinking at a Phillies game, or strolling around South Street – it really aint too bad.

    Also, cheesesteakz.

  2. Charlie Goodrich Says:

    I love Philly!! The Flyers, Eagles, Phillies, and 76ers are fun to cheer for (although trying at times), and I think the city has an overall great atmosphere. By far the best cheese steaks are at Tony Lukes.

  3. Andrew Raub Says:

    I think I’m one of the few people who enjoys Philly bums. They aren’t bad people, and I’ve had plenty of run-ins with them so I should know (one told me that if I want to get ladies, I should learn to surf… thanks! (already ahead of you bummy!))

    Without Philly we wouldn’t have this awesome Atom & His Package song:
    I sit at rittenhouse park and see a guy from Time Cycle
    give the finger to a passing motorist and it kind of makes me smile
    this is the city of brotherly love and crime
    and we only bombed our own city once, one time
    I’ll show you around the city and where you can’t go after dark
    and if skating’s your thing I’ll show you where you cannot skate in LOVE park
    the dialer doesn’t work on any of our phones
    but here’s the place that we call our home
    Philly’s the place where the mummers are weird
    and I do not think the Phillies have won in years
    I begged Mayor Rendell and the cops on the street
    to have mercy on me and Jen and please blow up South Street
    Philadelphia, get to know us
    Philadelphia, get to know us
    the Philadelphia party can go fuck its own face
    and yeah sure we got our problems in dealing with race
    the statue of William Penn… sitting all… well he’s kind of a loner
    if you look at it from the right angle it looks like he has a boner
    Philly’s the place where the mummers are weird
    and i do not think the Sixers have won in years
    I begged Mayor Rendell and the cops on the beat
    to have mercy on me and Jen and please blow up South Street
    Philadelphia, get to know us
    Philadelphia, get to know us
    hey Brian, did you know Cinderella’s from Philadelphia,
    and we have uh Independence Hall here too yeah
    but we also got Frank Rizzo and Delaware Avenue YEAH!
    Philadelphia, get to know us
    Philadelphia, get to know us

  4. Chris Derosa Says:

    It’s a place that makes me say…I like going there, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

  5. Zach Patterson Says:

    kirk, this review brings a tear to my eyes.

    and the title is about right. it’s not too bad! i work there and haven’t died yet!

  6. Kevin Hagge Says:

    God, I’m tempted to do a similar review of Los Angeles so I can clear up some of the misconceptions people tend to have about my home city. But I’m way too lazy to ever do that. I’ll stick to reviewing awful games and terrible music.

    By the way, Philadelphia ain’t all that bad. I used to live in Jersey, and let me tell you, Philly is fuckin’ paradise compared to some of the places I’ve been in New Jersey. Try catching a greyhound bus at 11:30pm in the middle of Camden sometime. It’s not very pleasant.

  7. Kirk Bray Says:

    Haha… well I forgot to mention cheezesteakz. I guess they originated here or something… but I’ve been to Pat’s, Geno’s, Sal’s, whatever. It’s fucking chipped beef on a bun with some cheeze. I can make it at home. I can buy it or make it two towns over and it will taste the same.

  8. Charlie Goodrich Says:

    But the key to a good cheese steak is the bread, Kirk. the beef and cheese is all the same but the bread at places in Philly makes it wonderful.

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