|By Zach Patterson||Thursday, 25 Sep 2008|
Our feature film for a night of terrible movies really took the cake in defining what a bad movie is. Postal, to start with, is a bad game to turn into a movie, considering all the heat the games took, but that’s textbook Boll. But here’s the thing about try to do a comedy movie, especially a controversial one: you have to know how. Boll has directed a series of poor video game action movies that has earned him a lot of scorn and hate from the audience he is trying to appeal to. Here, Boll steps out of his element (not that he particularly succeeded in this element previously) to do a movie that’s based on one of the more offensive games ever made, and he falls flat on his face.
It’s clumsily offensive and seems to try to attack anything and everything for attention. I mean, my god there are multiple morbidly obese fucking scenes, and that’s probably the most vanilla part of the movie. It felt like watching the german director throw a bunch of characters on screen that are giving me the finger and making me headinhands for the
longest hour and a half of my life. So congrats, Uwe, another successful bomb. Except, unlike In The Name of the Krug, this was completely unfunny and unwatchable. But don’t just take my word for it:
By Jeremy Stoltzfus
- Children are graphically slaughtered.
- A slow driving asian woman eats a face-full of shotgun pellets within the first five
minutes of the movie.
- Verne Troyer gets raped by 1,000 monkeys.
- Dave Foley.
- Dave Foley’s junk.
- Colt 45.
- Everything else.
By Charlie Goodrich
It bares some resemblance to Postal 2 in that you can murder children, use a cat as a silencer, and the main character’s name is Postal Dude. However, the game is entertaining whereas the movie makes no sense and will insult just about everyone. From what I recall, the plot revolves around finding toys in order to sell them to get rich quick (I was baffled by this scene because Dave Foley disrobes for some full frontal nudity). As you can see it was never going to work with this as a premise. I recommend the game but do not recommend the movie.
By Andrew Raub
I fell asleep during this movie but I don’t think that disqualifies me from judging it. At best, Postal is a movie. At worst, it’s an insulting, nonsensical, and at times over-the-line portrayal of America through the eyes of the outside world (the outside world being Uwe Boll’s twisted brain).
I’m not offended by much, but I was offended by this movie. Particularly the scene where the plane being flown by terrorists flies into a building because those stupid Americans stormed into the cockpit and were too hasty to realize that the innocent terrorists had a change of heart. I dunno, I’m not someone who’s gonna get all boastful about how great ‘Merica is when people talk about 9/11, and I’m definitely skeptical about the whole situation. But to imply that the innocent people whose lives were lost brought their fate and the fate of our nation by their own hands… It’s missing the point and it’s a slap in the face. Uwe, the skeptics say the government did it, and you missed a prime spot to really sock it to Bush & Co. But instead you spit on the graves of people who had no control over those events.
Sorry for the rant but it pissed me off and it’s really the only scene
I remember well other than Dave Foley’s floppy dick.
By Brian Hohman
I agree with Raub, that scene was done in very poor taste. The overall film is just entirely unwatchable, the only thing keeping me mildly entertained was woman’s breasts or the alluring possibility of more woman’s breasticles and all the alcohol/sparks. It is a complete shitfest, I mean just the simple things like well selected camera angles and shooting/editing techniques are completely horrendous throughout. All of Jer’s points are absolutely correct, I would also like to add that Uwe’s gunshot to the balls was quite awesome!
By Mike Callahan
After the first scene (9/11 spoof), I wondered why we were still watching it. This thought would occur after every scene for the rest of the movie. The best part of the movie is where Uwe Boll spoofs/plays himself, but I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. The entire movie is a textbook example of the word “inane.” The movie could’ve benefited from a lot more blood produced by senseless slaughter – i.e., the black cop shooting the elderly asian woman. Zack Ward never really goes postal, which is a shame. The movie had way too much of a plot, way too many parts with long, pointless dialogue, like the scene where Ward is lecturing all the various terrorists/trailer park citizens/cops about to kill him. The most memorable part of the entire “Postal” experience was seeing Dave Foley’s dick.
By Chris Derosa
No matter how much nazi gold Boll might have thrown at him, Gary Coleman declined to be in this movie. Maybe he balked at the monkey rape scene, or the sight of Dave Foley’s penis. Either way, that’s bad. Real bad. But bad doesn’t even scratch the surface of what Postal really is.