|By Sherv||Thursday, 3 May 2007|
I don’t quite know what overcame me to shell out the dollar and change for a pack of Trident Splash Apple with Raspberry. Perhaps it was my open mind and curiosity to try something new or maybe it’s because my previous encounter with Trident Splash was rather enjoyable; what is known, however, is that this particular flavor of gum is comparable to the dregs in a bucket of week-old vomit. I wasn’t clued in by the sugar-free branding of the package nor did I register the awful flavor combination of apple and raspberry: the two aren’t compatible by any manipulation of ones taste-buds.
Eager to wipe out the remnants of a particularly greasy meal, I popped my first piece. I didn’t taste raspberry nor apple, but rather an amalgam of horribly artificial crap. This ensuing explosion of raspapple unleased a torrent of saliva but not quite in the way one would imagine…no, this was not a delectable treat at all! My body was trying (in vain) to flood my mouth to the extent that I could only spit out the gum, yet regardless I chewed and indulged myself. In a matter of seconds I became violently aware that I was tasting a barely recognizable minty flavor, a vile and bastardized taste indeed. I eventually convulsed and expelled this agent of insipidity.
“Maybe that was just a singularly bad piece” I thought, and so I began to chew another. No such luck at all, unfortunately, and the full extent of my horrible mistake was realized when, in a desperate attempt to somehow improve upon the catastrophe manifested in my mouth, I wolfed down the remaining pieces. As the comic character Calvin once observed, doing so only results in a mass of gum which can only be akin to chewing a giant soggy sock, but this sock is a minty/fruity wad of shit.
Heed my words, fellow gum aficionados, and steer clear of this tripe; while I enjoy flavor combinations as much as the next guy there are some cardinal rules to mixing and clearly raspberry and apple are two which are not to be combined!